Wednesday, October 29, 2014

TAKE OFF to the Great Cheesy North!

Oh, for exciting!

Thanks to everyone who chipped in to the Frogdonut Alliance Indiegogo campaign, we raised enough funds for me to drive over 1900 miles, going from 90 F to 40 F in three days. So, I’ll undoubtedly be blogging with a sniffle next time, but I’ll be OUT of the horrendous Tucson oven and in beautiful, cloudy Cheeseland! Presumably Richard Cheese hails from there, or is at least a big tourism promoter.

No comment is necessary.

My brain has been crazed for a few weeks, organizing every possible detail of the trip and forgetting to sleep, but they tell me the swelling in the left temporal lobe definitely looks a little less puffy today, so here I am. Most of my belongings are packed, the car is repaired and spiffyclean, motel reservations are confirmed, and today I learned that the very Santa-paradey store where I work is approving my job transfer, so I’ll have cash coming in almost immediately. w00t!

Yes, dear, there IS a job opening!
But try to take mine and I WILL
cut a bitch.

I’ll be driving through territory unfamiliar to me. I promise to stay off the goddamned moors, and not to feed the inmates. Sadly, I won’t have time to stop for giant fiberglass chicken statues or the Hair Museum, but I promise to take pics along the way. Maybe I’ll document how many items of clothing I’m forced to don as the trip progresses and the ambient temperature drops. Departure date is a week from today!

For anyone reading my steampunk serial novel, I WILL resume storytelling as soon as I’m settled in with my gorgeous, brilliant, lusty fiance...well, as soon as I have time! For anyone who just wants steampunk cereal, a word of advice: don’t add those cute little gear-and-sprocket beads to your Lucky Charms. Not even encased in marshmallows. Too crunchy.

See you on the other side, Ray!

Happy Halloween, and may the full power
of an unlicensed nuclear accelerator
be with you!

Saturday, October 4, 2014

All Hallows' Road Trip!

"Seriously? Candy canes?"
Nearly Halloween! I’ve begun wearing my googly-eyed skeleton earrings and grinning-pumpkin socks...nah, I lie: I wear those all year. Still, the impending festivities have me giddy despite the stupendous and continued misery of the Arizona Easy-Bake Oven weather. Spooky props and pumpkin-spiced-meats in all the stores! Fake leaves decorating shelves of corporate-sponsored sugary cholesterol builders! Trees and bulbs and...what the utter FUCK who put their Yule in my Halloween?!

Just a couple of points here today. First, if you’re participating in All Hallows' Read, check out these FREE, deliciously morbid and creepifying posters by Sabrina Zbasnik! She makes new designs every year, and they’re killer. Why not hang a few over the mantel with your dirty socks, so that He Who Walks Behind the Gourds will leave extra candy for you this year?

(art from

You DID remember to say your prayers to the Great Pumpkin, yes? He Who Must Not Be Seeded? No? Heathens. You’re all heathens, and I wash my bloody smock of you.

The other item I wish to hold up for inspection like a freshly severed spinal column is also the reason why I’m extra giddy about Halloween this year: ROAD TRIP!!

You can view all the steps through the link above,
but here's a general idea of my route.
Before the snows drench all of Cheeseland in cold curds, I intend to journey from Tucson to Appleton to be with my soulmate. This is the route I’m planning to take. There’s a slightly shorter one, but that travels through more barren wastelands, which I dislike; IF anything should go wrong, I’d rather it was within reach of a town than in the middle of East BFE. If any of you know parts of this route well and have any tips, suggestions, etc, please let me know: comment here, tweet at me, or email. Planning on stopping overnight in La Junta, CO and West Des Moines; don’t want to have more than 12 hours drive time on any one day.

Our fundraising campaign, the Frogdonut Alliance, still needs your help, and let me emphasize that even small contributions really DO make a difference in this case! Five bucks? You just bought me lunch on the road one day. Ten? Change of oil before I go. The more we can raise, the better off we’ll begin our Cohabitation of Excellence! And please keep spreading the word. Two weeks left to chip in!